You know Alou's name spelled backwards is Uola? That sounds like a first name, Uola.

Someday, the Chicago Cubs are going to be in the World Series...

Hello again, everybody... It's a bee-yoo-tiful day for baseball.

Booze, broads and bullshit. If you got all that, what else do you need?

What does a mama bear on the pill have in common with the World Series? No cubs.

It could be, it might be... It is, A home run!

I knew the profanity used up and down my street would not go over the air... So I trained myself to say 'Holy Cow' instead.

Aw, how could he Jorge Orta lose the ball in the sun, he's from Mexico.

I don't know what the big deal about Cracker Jack is. Did you ever go buy a pack of Cracker Jack, thinking you'd get a prize and find no prize in the box? (pause) Here's the pitch.

Everything good that has happened to me has happened as a direct result of something bad.

I'll tell you what's helped me my entire life. I look at baseball as a game. It's something where people can go out, enjoy and have fun. Nothing more.

Love is like a piece of chocalate. It's looks and tastes good, but it's dark. What really matters is the inside.

Sometimes life can be unexpected. Sometimes things surprise you and all you can do is roll with the punches or let them beat you to a bloody pulp. -Sage Hannigan, Contingency

If you can't sent money, send tobacco.

The trials of living and the pangs of disease make even the short span of life too long.

This is the lying thieving mother who cut me $500,000.

It really hit home that my parents felt as though they didn't have to worry anymore. They realized if you could win an Oscar, that was a good sign.

I don't have a day job, so I read any time of day.

It is good to be Compared with the best player [Pele]. But my dad told me about Garrincha's style as he moved forward, went up, attacked and dribbled. Garrincha's style is more similar to Neymar's.

Really, how bad is eating a piece of cake? Being bad is murdering someone. That's bad. Don't do that.

I've seen my friends take someone back after they've cheated because they fit perfectly.