You know, I think whatever a comic talks about onstage is all they talk about offstage.

Your inability to see yourself clearly is what's keeping you alive.

I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.

We need to stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't.

I do love poop. I can't help it. The heart wants what it wants. I enjoy being clever and pithy and political, but nothing's going to get me like dumb stuff.

People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!

Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use humour. It is a survival skill.

I hope the Jews did kill Christ, I'd do it again in a second.

Drew Friedman isn't just a brilliant artist. He takes you to a place. He takes you back in time. He makes you smell the stale cigarettes and cold brisket and you say, thank you for the pleasure.

They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle.

I like talking about things that are taboo, because it makes them not taboo anymore.

A true friend is a person that will shout at you when you’re wrong, hold your hand when you fall down, dance with you during the good times, and stay with you during your ups and downs.

Always look outside of the box, unless there is something exceedingly dangerous outside of the box in which case it might be wiser to stay inside.

The winds and the waves are always on the side of the ablest navigators.

A style does not go out of style as long as it adapts itself to its period

Is life so wretched? Isn't it rather your hands which are too small, your vision which is muddled? You are the one who must grow up.

A writer once asked what I'd say if I ever met my biggest hater. I paused, thought deeply and said, "Probably 'suk a dog dik, motherfuker.'"

Man had freedom to choose the good, but this same freedom also allowed him to choose the bad. This is called moral freedom.

Christians should be troublemakers, creators of uncertainty, agents of a dimension incompatible with society.

Bush told me, he doesn't watch TV ... though it's untrue that he doesn't read the newspapers.

I was very happy in my job at the United Nations.