You know, I've always wanted to be a young Charles Kuralt. I started in this business with just a Winnebago and a dream.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

Don't try to worry about the things that could've happen. Just wonder about the things that can still happen and fight for them. Because anything worth fighting for will happen in time.

I didn't know yet that you can always find that perfect moment right before everything shatters.

Leaders don't need a path. They make one.

It’s time to care

Robert Hoffman is kind of infamous for beinga prankster, funny guy.

I show up knowing exactly who I was and never leave as myself.

Some of my best thinking is done by others.

The last time the three of us were in the ring together, it was pretty awesome. Vickie, we had a sweet, sexy, passionate make-out session. Dolph you remember! You were there! You were cool with it.

I will also continue to fight to provide better economic security for victims of domestic violence.

The celestial bodies are the cause of all that takes place in the sublunar world.