You know I've never agreed with baths. Sittin' around in your own dirt like that.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

Life’s a marathon, not a sprint.

When one with honeyed words but evil mindPersuades the mob, great woes befall the state.

The whole point of me doing a Christmas record and what I centered it around was the song 'Christmas with You' from the point-of-view of the soldiers in Iraq.

A man is called selfish not for pursuing his own good, but for neglecting his neighbor's.

What defines patriotism, for me, is the idea that one rises to act on behalf of one's country.

I'm not a religious person but I do like the idea of Sunday as a day set apart from the rest of the week. It's nice to have a period of reflection and have time to think about things.

Mr. Trump's a good man, but he doesn't know much about the health care system.

In the spiritual life, he who does not advance goes backwards.

To manifest prosperity, you have to redefine yourself from a recipient to a co-creator. You have to stop looking for opportunities to present themselves and start creating them.

I'm the leader of the platoon and I run gambling and lotteries, dances and I sell beer illegally. I'm a con man and I'm thoroughly lovable.