You know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button.

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

The scary thing about the future... there will be tiny cameras everywhere, and they'll be flying around like mosquitoes and drones. That will be bad. Drones are scary. You can't reason with a drone.

Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

God often gives nuts to toothless people.

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay!

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.

I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

We've got a bunch of new writers now who tell me they grew up watching The Simpsons. It's bizarre, and they're writing some very funny stuff.

The cause of depression and stress are negative thoughts, Be positive, never infect your mind with negative thoughts.

Somewhere out there, a higherform of sadism won the first round.Well, screw that. I'm not ready to bepwned.

Inspiration is not just a short-term momentum. It could take time and generations of change to truly build a culture of creativity.

I mean that success has come early. And that is dangerous. Always dangerous.

I think family dynamics are definitely very interesting. And in my case my sister did get married. She gave my parents a grandchild.

After you’ve done all the work and prepared as much as you can, what the hell, you might as well go out and have a good time.

St. Peter, on my judgment day, will not ask me about the B-2 or my defense votes. He will ask me about my vote to protect innocent human life.

Perhaps the world will end at the kitchen table, while we are laughing and crying, eating of the last sweet bite.

I just want to thank everybody I have ever met in my entire life.

Do not be impatient for impatience is of the flesh. Do not try different methods because they are useful solely in helping the flesh. We must distrust the flesh entirely.