You know, crankiness is at the essence of all comedy.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

What monster sleeps in the deep of your story? You need a monster. Without a monster there is no story.

Dinted dimpled wimpled-his mind wandered down echoing corridors of assonance and alliteration ever further and further from the point. He was enamoured with the beauty of words.

A great hope fell You heard no noise The ruin was within.

It is silly to go on pretending that under the skin we are brothers. The truth is more likely that under the skin we are all cannibals, assassins, traitors, liars and hypocrites.

I don't want to pay good money to hear ordinary people's lunatic views. Most of the people who phone in are [lunatics] - certainly in Britain.

International socialism recognizes the right of free independent nations, with equal rights.

Being at the pinnacle of my career is not to turn up in some multiplex blockbuster.

You should hit him in the face with frying pans more often," Said Rhys "he seems to like it

The emotion of love gives all of us a misleading illusion of knowing the other.

In the drowsy dark cave of the mind dreams build their nest with fragments dropped from day's caravan.