You know how to tell when you're getting old? When your broad mind changes places with your narrow waist.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.

I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose -- to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.

There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always

Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.

Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy.

Today's comics use four-letter words as a shortcut to thinking. They're shooting for that big laugh and it becomes a panic thing, using four-letter words to shock people.

Experience speaks differently than Knowledge

And Castle nodded sagely. 'So this is a picture of the meaninglessness of it all! I couldn't agree

Al he knew was that he'd never met anyone who caused him to doubt and to hope as much as she did.

One has to nurture a new generation, to raise children in the spirit of Islam.

Nothing surprises me. After Donald Trump, nothing matters, does it?

Neatness is a crowning grace of womanhood.

Iran is a great problem, but not necessarily a great country. In fact, I think it is a very weak country.

Random Girl after a hookup: "Do you love me" Tucker: "I don't understand the question.

The purpose of autonomous driving is to eliminate accidents.

I'm a really good eavesdropper. I listen to what people say and remember all the buzzwords.