You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty!

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

I recall that now and I recall everything for what do we have but the past to parent us?

Artists are often the barometers of society.

My mother and my father were very nurturing and wonderful examples of how to live your life. I really had a cool foundation.

He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.

Years of living in the hope that what you'll get will be better than what you have. Years of looking and feeling worse in the hope that you might look better.

In addition, we will improve the Department of Defense's cyber capabilities. A new threat, a new problem, very expensive, and we're not doing very well with cyber.

This machine was a failure to the extent that it could not fly. In other respects it was a very important and necessary stepping stone.

I've always known that I'm a little out of vogue.

Either kill me or take me as I am, because I'll be damned if I ever change.

Real life is happening outside and not in front of a computer.