You know it's a sad day when your child looks at you and asks 'Daddy, are these organic?'

People will kill you over time, and how they'll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like 'be realistic.'

Money can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger biscuits.

Black Books adheres to a more old fashioned, traditional sitcom format, which I think works, because in its own way, it's quite theatrical.

You’re not an adult at all - you're just a tall child holding a beer, having conversations you don't understand...

Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think.

I'm quite a compulsive person-I only worked this out recently - I'm compulsive, but I'm also very indecisive. I don't know what I want, but I know that I want it now.

Oh how I hate you. I hate you so much it gives me energy. I have to get up early in the morning just to hate you, because there's not enough time in the day! Please GO AWAY!

I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it.

I think you should, yeah. You should wash your beard, then shave it off, nail it to a Frisbee and fling it over a rainbow.

You try various things when you're growing up. I was an attache in the Foreign Service for a while and then I drove a bulldozer, but neither of those panned out for me so it had to be stand-up.

If you see a black family, it's looting, but if it's a white family they are looking for food.

Christ honors our submission even when our only motivation is obedience.

Most men know what they hate, few what they love.

What you think is impossible in life actually is possible.

I set very high standards for myself and worked every game with the same energy and enthusiasm as if it were the seventh game of a World Series.

I am so credible and so influential and so relevant that I will change things.

Memory is a poet, not an historian.

There are thousands of paths to God and every one gets you there.

My public life was so demanding that I wasn't doing the things that I deemed the most important.

Left to themselves people are noble, generous, uncorrupted, they'd create a completely new kind of society if only people weren't so blind, stupid and selfish.