You know ladies and gentlemen, a long time ago , there were lots of people, but that was a long time ago

I think free speech is probably the coolest thing we have in this country, and again, you can label it hate speech and dismiss it, and then you're allowed to censor it.

After years of begging, I got my parents to get me a little Craig tape recorder, a reel to reel. Then I started recording voices, or recording Jonathan Winters off television and stuff like that.

If I only ran when nothing hurt, I would never run.

That's why modern corporate movie making has become so laborious that comedians are kind of kicked out by 50.

You know, sometimes you can't just take an armadillo, put it in the barn, light it on fire and expect it to make licorice.

It's almost like he's started to sound even more exotic the more people started doing him. I don't know why, but there's just something about Al Gore that makes me laugh.

A mom and dad found an S&M magazine under their 10-year-old son's bed, and the dad said, 'Well, we sure can't spank him.'

If she were a President, she'd be Babe-raham Lincoln!

Am I not turtley enough for the Turtle Club? Turtle! Turtle!

I know it's a cliche, but the whole family is just whacked. I mean, we're all out of our minds. They're the funniest, most eccentric bizarre people I've ever met, my siblings.

Fear of failure is deceptive.Don't do it, you'll fail, it says.Courage is inceptive.It's where success starts.

Feedback is an opinion, grounded in observations and experiences, which allows us to know what impression we make on others.

Who fights may lose, but who does not fight has lost already.

Nancy, you're a whiz, as I've often told you," her friend declared.

Resolve to do the things you find to be difficult. That's what confident people do. They tackle those things that are scary and they get addicted to doing it.

I have done film, television and theatre - all at a pretty substantial level - I don't think it's possible for American actors to do that.

If you have the opportunity to play this game of life you need to appreciate every moment. a lot of people don't appreciate the moment until it's passed.

Atheism - Your Gain, No Pain!

Thug Life to me is dead.

Unless you already have a name well known in at least one stratum of society, I don't think trying to do things yourself will be easy - if at all possible.