You know, my first album, some of those jokes I'd done for twelve years because I couldn't throw 'em out.

If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody who's life gives them vodka, and have a party.

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

You can't fix stupid. There's not a pill you can take, or a class you can go to.

You can't fix stupid.

I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability.

I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.

I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots.

In Texas, we have the death penalty, and we use it. That's right. If you come to Texas and kill somebody, we will kill you back.

The next time you have a thought... let it go.

Diamonds - that'll shut her up... for a minute!

Enthusiasm is the best protection in any situation. Wholeheartedness is contagious. Give yourself, if you wish to get others.

People want nothing but mirrors around them. To reflect them while they’re reflecting too ... Reflections of reflections and echoes of echoes. No beginning and no end. No center and no purpose.

When Knaves betray each other, one can scarce be blamed or the other pitied.

Very' is such a strong word.

New York is all about people and the things people make.

One thing that was very clear to me is that the young people in a place like Annawadi aren't tripping on caste the way their parents are. They know their parents have these old views.

All great literary works influence us as writers, not their stories as much as their storytelling ability.

When the wires are all down and your heart is covered with the snows of pessimism and the ice of cynicism, then, and only then, have you grown old.

Secretly, I'm a real big nerd. I'd rather stay home and play Scrabble than go to a Hollywood party, any day of the week. And I love reading about history and watching the Discovery Channel.

Women will always put persons above ideas ... and so they'll always be defeated. Persons die, and ideas rule the world.