You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? The Hepatitis Bee.

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!

About a month before he died, my grandfather, we covered his back full of lard - after that he went downhill very quickly.

As a child I watched Mary Poppins so many times I suffered from a condition with my sight. Umdiddleiddleiddleumdiddle Eye.

My grandfather invented the cold air balloon... But it never really took off.

I've just finished my book, I wrote it on penguins. Come to think of it, paper would have been better.

I hate sitting in traffic, because I always get run over.

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.

If you're depressed and called Morgan spend the first half of the day in Germany for some positive affirmation.

Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family.

My aunt Marge has been so ill for so long that we've started to call her I can't believe she's not better

I'm just as big a fool as the rest of them.

It's just amazing to do something that's part of a pop culture phenomenon.

Photography is an art which touches and grips one's own heart's blood.

A good countenance is a letter of recommendation.

All the breaks you need in life wait within your imagination.

I love everything about you that hurts.

[I enjoy] working with yeast, tempering chocolate and figuring out why an end product is successful or not.

If you want to have a good life, never forget that you are going to die

The past is only a guidepost... not a hitching post.

I don't think that necessarily I was encouraged by the nuns and the priest to consider alternate possibilities to the universe.