You know, the people who do indie film and decide who gets those little budgets? They're mean, man. They're cold and very cool-oriented.

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most important person to yourself.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...

My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.

Everything is amazing and nobody is happy

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

Dispute not with her: she is lunatic.

The ancient teaching of Tao tells us that knowing what you really are is wisdom, and living it is virtue.

I would be comfortable to bat anywhere.

Don't get cocky just because you've had a good run. You can lose your business as fast as you've earned it.

Love at first sight is not rare, in fact it is extremely common, it happens to some people a few times a year. The feeling of what if when meeting the eyes of a stranger can be love unrecognized.

To be is to be perceived

It is curious how tyrannical the habit of reading is...

Every child in American should have access to a well-stocked school library.

I don't always trust my own instincts. It would be nice if someone else would tell me what I should do with my life!

I am not so much for the freedom of religion as I am for the religion of freedom.