You know what's fun? You pick somebody at random, like out of the phone book, and send them about 100 'Just Because' cards. They can't even ask you why you did it.

Go my favorite sports team go! Score a goal. Unit. Basket. Go squadron! Defeat the opponents soundly in this...skirmish.

I think the serving size of ice cream is when you hear the spoon hit the bottom of the container.

If you were to second guess your decision to book some time to visit an Indian community, that would be a reservation reservation reservation.

A formula for comedy is comedy equals tragedy plus time. A difficult or uncomfortable situation takes place, and then you laugh about it later down the road.

The big yellow one is the sun!

I was at the breakfast table this morning and I read in the newspaper that more and more adults are living at home with their parents. That surprised me, I was like Mom did you read this?

Racquetball is the only sport where simultaneously you can be looking at the ball and it'll hit you in the back of the head at 90 miles per hour.

I hate getting off the elevator on the wrong floor? Anyone ever do that... and then you have to turn around and face those people. I feel like I owe everyone in there an explanation.

If Einstein was so smart how come people only call you 'Einstein' when you do something really stupid ?

Why are people getting on elevators shocked to find people getting off elevators?

People don’t like to think, if one thinks, one must reach conclusions. Conclusions are not always pleasant.

A bride never forgets her wedding ornaments, why should we forsake our heavenly Father, the bridegroom?

art is when you listen the universe, magic is when the universe listens to you.

A 'good man' is a male creature that survives the endless episodes that its woman spends complaining about women who she hates, and, women who hate her.

Longevity is highly over rated.

Keep fit and have fun!" ~Hal Johnson and Joanne McLeod

Love is the flower of life, and blossoms unexpectedly and without law, and must be plucked where it is found, and enjoyed for the brief hour of its duration.

It's about time we stopped buying things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people we don't like.

I've finally found somebody who's up to the task of being my wife, because I'm very ... high maintenance.

I don't like to direct myself.