You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses, and he wears a beret. He is French, people.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

When our theories continually move us into more and more complicated explanations then, it is certain that we are moving in the wrong direction.

Look well into thyself

All they see is madness. It’s the same with the other men. They see my situation, not me.

Confidence and a good sense of humor can usually win a chick over.

In photography one should surely proceed from essence of the object and attempt to represent it with photographic terms alone.

The power of good film is being there in the moment.

When one does not love too much, one does not love enough.

You can learn Elvish, if you want. It's a language like Italian and English. You can learn to read it, you can learn to write it, and you can learn to speak it.

On December 18, 1940, Hitler signed Directive Number 21, better known as Operation Barbarossa.

I don’t want to lose my memories. Don’t make me forget. I would rather die as Elena, than live as a shadow.