You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

There is nothing bigger and more important than a person’s calling

His Highness was always confident in his statements, especially about what he viewed for the first time.

When you are made to pay for such insolence, I shall revel in your ruin.

The inspiration for my Vines comes from thinking about funny and relatable experiences from my daily life.

I actually turned down an opportunity for a private interview with Adolph Hitler.

When the book comes out it may hurt you - but in order for me to do it, it had to hurt me first. I can only tell you about yourself as much as I can face about myself.

I'm just glad that the whole John Wayne persona of a man is sort of old school now, because I'd never be able to do that. If that was the going rate today, I wouldn't be working.

I've gone through too much, from beefs to divorce to my mom passing which I always expressed in my music, so there's not album that sticks out as more important than the other to me.

In love the other is important; in lust you are important

Realize that a drawing is not a copy. It is a construction in very different materials. A drawing is an invention.