You'll catch your death of cold. Clouseau: Yes, yes I probably will but . . . its all part of life's rich pageantry, you kneau.

You have to live before you die, or you'll die before you live.

There is no me. I do not exist. There used to be a me but I had it surgically removed.

If I can't really find a way to live with myself, I can't expect anyone else to live with me.

Some forms of reality are so horrible we refuse to face them, unless we are trapped into it by comedy. To label any subject unsuitable for comedy is to admit defeat.

It won't be easy, that is why I have always failed where others have succeeded.

I am here to fix the problem with yer pheaun.

Conversation like television set on honeymoon... unnecessary.

To label any subject unsuitable for comedy is to admit defeat.

Finally, in conclusion, let me say just this.

I'm a classic example of all humorists - only funny when I'm working.

I was haunting you, for so long, that I forgot that I became a ghost too.

[S]ound policy condemns the practice of accumulating debts.

In an ideal world, I'd be able to do my shows in my pajamas. Luckily I've got one of the best stylists in the business, Rebecca Allen - she knows what looks good on camera and gives it a sexy kick.

The Bible without the Holy Spirit is a sundial by moonlight.

Honestly, because of the way women were treated, I wouldn't want to go back to Puritan times.

For contemplation he and valour formed; / For softness she and sweet attractive grace, / He for God only, she for God in him: / His fair large front and eye sublime declared / Absolute rule.

Even today I cannot believe that people who lived together could inflict horrible pain on each other.

When all else fails to organize the people, conditions will.

Celery, raw, Develops the jaw

Just think of what Woodrow Wilson stood for: he stood for world government. He wanted an early United Nations, League of Nations. But it was the conservatives, Republicans, that stood up against him.