You'll remember someone who broke your heart, and you'll think to yourself, 'Oh yes, I remember how that feels.' But you can't.

The natural state of the football fan is bitter disappointment, no matter what the score.

Record stores can't save your life. But they can give you a better one.

It's brilliant, being depressed; you can behave as badly as you like.

I suddenly had a little epiphany: all the books we own, both read and unread, are the fullest expression of self we have at our disposal.

I fell in love with football as I was later to fall in love with women: suddenly, inexplicably, uncritically, giving no thought to the pain or disruption it would bring with it.

For alarmingly large chunks of an average day, I am a moron.

It's a mystery of human chemistry and I don't understand it, some people, as far as their senses are concerned, just feel like home.

Hard is trying to rebuild yourself, piece by piece, with no instruction book, and no clue as to where all the important bits are supposed to go.

It's no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn't even speak to each other if they met at a party.

Radio football is football reduced to its lowest common denominator.

I know the human being and fish can co-exist peacefully.

I’m waiting for the day when Rush Limbaugh’s pharmacist writes a book.

You may not have the power to control whatever happens to you, but you have the power to stop it from affecting your sense of style.

No one likes a person that "should of" all over the place.

Live your life. It’s yours anyway.Don’t try too hard. It’s okay to lose.

Everything’s bad, until you find something worse.

Illiteracy is rampant. People are out of communication.

I know a parson who frightened his congregation terribly by telling them the second coming was very imminent indeed, but they were much consoled when they found he was planting trees in his garden.

Metaphors get under your skin by ghosting right past the logical mind.

Autumn is my favorite season.