You'll see! We're going to the palace. Fetch Angua. We might need her. And bring the search warrant. You mean the sledgehammer, sir? Yes.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

Integrity must become a personal goal of a growing majority in America if we want to be a major world influence.

Teaching a boy to be a man is the primary job of a father.

The tradition in Serbia has always been team sports - football, basketball, handball, volleyball and water polo, individual sports are not supported.

My intention is never to hurt anybody. I'm happy when people are having a good time.

Secrecy is for losers.

When you're nearing 35, going, 'Hey Dad, I can't make these payments,' just isn't cool.

I might be in a bit of a Skoda garage rather than a Mercedes garage, but I am telling you some old bangers don't half polish up great.

Actors dread working with studios because they dictate what you do in a way that independent movies can't.

I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died.

If you stumble at mere believability, what are you living for? Isn't love hard to believe?