You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

To stand on a mountain top, you must first create the mountain.

Happiness is a by-product. You cannot pursue it by itself.

Everybody who talks to a newspaper has a motive. That's just a given. And good reporters always, repeat always, probe to find out what that motive is.

We don't even know if we're in this room. We could be in a turtle's dream in outer space.

In America, we are putting our energy companies out of business. We have to bring back our workers.

And the best way to quit being concerned with yourself is to be concerned about others.

Most men die many times in their lives. The man we become invariably slaughters the child we once were. His knowledge of the world murders the babe's innocence. from Time Untime by Sherrilyn Kenyon

I tried to be the leader ... that was my aim. But it is important to know how to win and how to lose.

The Primrose for a veil had spread The largest of her upright leaves; And thus for purposes benign, A simple flower deceives.