You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.

Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.

One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills.

Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.

A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.

A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.

Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.

Today, there are three kinds of people: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves.

Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.

There is a miracle in your mess, don't let the mess make you miss the miracle.

The President's post should not be politicised. Once a president is elected, he is above politics.

Empires and churches are born under the sun of death.

When grace begins to rule, then our preoccupation with ourselves begins to leave.

It's cool to actually have my own trading card.

The last safe place is safe no more.

But Aunt Margaret doesn't like boys," objected Elnora. "Well, she likes me, and I used to be a boy.

When God sends his angel to the soul it becomes the one who knows for sure.

A team is a fist-not five fingers.

I play patterns. I'll make up a pattern and just play it.