You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

Understanding is the bridge between two minds

It’s a great day to write a best-seller.

Prayer can do anything God can do and God can do anything!

What can happen in 30 years? A senator can become a multi-millionaire in public office.

Exclusive homosexuality is not very common in nature.

Thee may tell Aunt Janet from me that she might as well try to stop the stars in their courses as to try to stop a love affair.

I don't need to improve the look of my own if I don't even know what it looks like.

We are a fluke of nature, a quirk of evolution, a glorious contingency.

Ladies and gentlemen, Otis Alexander Sudeikis has LEFT the building! (I'm the building)

The detective novel is the art-for-art's-sake of our yawning Philistinism, the classic example of a specialized form of art removed from contact with the life it pretends to build on.