You might be a redneck if the Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

But I didn't even make you work for it. I just jumped you like a cat in heat.

It costs a lot to sue a magazine, and it's too bad that we don't have a system where the losing team has to pay the winning team's lawyers.

For one year I did go to Performing Arts School, and I had very weird friends.

I have this fantasy. I'm walking past a bookshop and I click my fingers and all my books go blank. So I can start again and get it right.

Worry is one of the most destructive scourges of mankind.

Changing the legal standard creates a slippery slope...plural marriage. The court opened up a pandora's box by doing that.

We can't help identifying with the protagonist. It's coded in our movie-going DNA.

The old story is a story of measurement. And the New Story is to bring measurement and meaning together. You cannot measure meaning.

I don't wanna be Courtney Love - I wanna be Kurt Cobain.

I never paid you a compliment, Rachel, in my life. Successful love may sometimes use the language of flattery, I admit. But hopeless love, dearest, always speaks the truth.