You might be a redneck if you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

The zeal to live and the fire in my heart, is strong enough to burn away any obstacle that may come on my way. I love life too much to be suicidal.

This has serveral consequences, starting with screwing over most cryptography algorithms--translation: all your bank account are belong to us--

Pain has to be ended someday, and as much as you want to start over again .

Without a doubt the two best words in the English language are The End

Time goes you say? Ah no! Alas Time stays we go.

There is no scandal like rags, nor any crime so shameful as poverty.

It is my humble prayer that I may be of some use in my day and generation.

I write scripts to serve as skeletons awaiting the flesh and sinew of images.

Take what you got and fly with it.

So long as there is breath in me, that long will I persist.