You might be a redneck if you can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

There was this hot, yellowy stillness the air always got in the minutes before the last bell, as if it were stiffening itself to be shattered.

When you do not know how to focus your thoughts effectively, they can become scattered, miscellaneous, and fixated on "stuff negative notions, toxic relationships, and situations from the past."

Discoveries are made by gluttons and addicts. The man who forgets to eat and sleep has an appetite for fact, for interrelations among causes.

Zombies are the blue-collar monsters

It is with logic that one proves; it is with intuition that one invents.

Very hot and still the air was, Very smooth the gliding river, Motionless the sleeping shadows.

Happiness is doubled when you share them together and sadness is halved when you share them together.

I don't really care what someone's background is; creativity can come from any background.

Maybe nothing's so unfunny as an omen read wrong.

The most onerous slavery is to be a slave to oneself.