You might be a redneck if...you think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

Thank god he's holding me because if he weren't, I'd float away.

Fiction is an ancient virtual reality technology that specializes in simulating human problems.

When the tragedy begins and the boat begins to sink I will do anything in my power to help save my mates if they reuse my help I have no choice but to jump ship to help myself

Everyday is a good day, even when things are hard because we are still here, still fighting to live among the latter.

We feel like there are way too many problems in the world, and there's nothing we can do to solve them. We forget how to be compassionate and start to feel hopeless.

If only the people who worry about their liabilities would think about the riches they do possess, they would stop worrying.

How do I feel about war? Well anybody I guess, I hope, I don't like it.

For me, it is the worst kind of sacrilege if you are given some of special talent and you don't take advantage of this gift.

I often think you bring unhappiness on yourself, because if you don't like yourself very much, you allow yourself to be influenced by people who reinforce that.

Ahimsa magnifies one's own defects, and minimizes those of the opponent. It regards the mole in one's own eye as a beam and the beam in the opponent's eye as a mole.