You might be a redneck if you keep a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach your kids in the back seat of the car.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

Every scene should be able to answer three questions: "Who wants what from whom? What happens if they don't get it? Why now?

We are the Dragon-Hearted.

God does not delay to hear our prayers because He has no mind to give; but that, by enlarging our desires, He may give us the more largely.

I think the reason I became funny was because if I made people laugh, they would let me keep talking.

I'm hoping that Penn State will one day be able to find a cure for cancer. Being a part of THON means I'm doing my part to find that cure.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you.

My feeling is, music is a more eloquent international language than Coca-Cola or McDonalds.

There are forces within the Democratic Party who want us to sound like kinder, gentler Republicans.

When you step into the batter's box, have nothing on your mind except baseball.

What is the point in calling anything God if it does not also hold sway in every part of one's life--especially one's politics?