You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

External sources of positive energy and motivation will exhaust, unless we have our captive generation of positive energy.The only sustainable source of positive energy is our thoughts.

For murder though it have no tongue will speak With most miraculous organ.

Rivers are highways that move on and bear us whither we wish to go.

I wish I was beautiful or at least wise, but I’m simply mad and violent.

What can we take on trust in this uncertain life? Happiness, greatness, pride - nothing is secure, nothing keeps.

All my life affection has been showered upon me, and every forward step I have made has been taken in spite of it.

Love life seems to be that factor which requires the largest quantity of magical tinkering.

A diamond is just a lump of coal that stuck to its job.

No man should so act as to make a gain out of the ignorance of another.

When you are unhappy about something, you can always find thousands of other things to be happy!