You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

The world is not run by thought, nor by imagination, but by opinion.

Religion should be the rule of life, not a casual incident in it.

In an apostolic network the person in charge of maintaining the DNA of the network is the lead apostle, who consults with those he or she chooses, and no one else.

This is Halloween, everybody make a scene Trick or treat till the neighbors gonna die of fright It's our town, everybody scream In this town of Halloween.

The Gospel must constantly be forwarded to a new address, because the recipient is repeatedly changing his place of residence.

I am ashamed to tell you to how many figures I carried these calculations [of Pi], having no other business at the time

Writers never feel comfortable having labels attached to them, however accurate they are.

I love shoes. I am a shoe fanatic. I have a special closet in my home just for my shoes.

Death's not a separation or alteration or parting; it's just a one-handled door.

I'm just glad we live in a world where girls can play soldiers.