You might be a redneck if your grandfather completely executes the pull my finger trick at the family reunion.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

Never go into battle for your ego, Learn to battle for something much greater.

Recklessness is almost a man's revenge on his woman.

People who personify excellence are people who invoke the same in others.

Idleness like kisses to be sweet must be stolen.

I was court-martialled in my absence, and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

You know, crankiness is at the essence of all comedy.

In the days of the frost seek an minor sun.

I'm very proud of my well-earned wrinkles, so show 'em.

Can you be a girl for a few seconds?" "I'm always a girl" I frown. "You know what I mean. Like a silly, annoying girl" I twirl my hair around my finger. "Kay.