You might be a redneck if your primary source of income is the pawn shop.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

Stress is equivalent to weapons of mass destruction armed for wrong reasons. The difference is that, it is less costly as compared to the atomic bombs! However, it destroys faster!

At age 64 I started working at a preschool. I figured the kids would have a lot to teach me.

It's one of the hardest things to translate anything that's not standard.

Only after realising that routine immunisations were dangerous did I achieve a substantial drop in infant death rates.

If you are not happy with yourself, even the loftiest achievements won't bring you much satisfaction.

Teach the student first, the music second and the piano third.

The construction industry likes nothing more than a blank canvas onto which they can impose a brand new building, because that way they can make more money.

Dying people don't need medicine, the ones who remain do.

Like a crowd in my head, so loud. I wonder what it's like to be dead, I hope it's quiet. Noise in my head like a riot. Any remedy you have for me, I'll try it.

Poison. The perfect weapon for a snake.