You might heckle me now - but when I get home, I've got a chicken in the oven.

I knew I was going bald when it was taking longer and longer to wash my face.

It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.

You can tell a lot about someone's personality if you know his star sign -Jesus, born on 25 December, fed the five thousand, walked on water -typical Capricorn.

My dad used to say 'Always fight fire with fire,' which is probably why he got thrown out of the the fire brigade.

I went to a restaurant the other day called 'Taste of the Raj.' The waiter hit me with a stick and got me to build a complicated railway system.

The mobile phone, the fax, emails. Call me old fashioned, but what's wrong with a chain of beacons?

I have a really nice step ladder, sadly, I never knew my real ladder.

never say never. whoops - said it twice

Reading is air in my lungs, fire in my blood, company in my thoughts.

Make your writing memorable.

That’s rich, coming from you, Hellcat, I would’ve thought it was impossible for a Vampire to get grey hairs until I met you! (Alexander)

...chuck-full of error, masturbation and Jesus.

Something feels funny. I must be thinking too hard.

That you've got to do anything that you feel is precious. I especially believe that about cultures and languages. You've got to be really conscious because time is running out.

The call now is for each of us to ask ourselves: are we doing all we can to help build the country of our dreams?

I just love biography, and I'm fascinated by people who have shifted our destinies or our points of view.

Back there I could fly a gunship, I could drive a tank, I was in charge of million dollar equipment, back here I can't even hold a job PARKING CARS!

Why don't you make a contibution to my sanity, and do the one thing you never seem to be able to do... SHUT UP!!!