You must remember that the common criminal will always join the armed forces for, if nothing else, regular meals and expert training in the use of guns.

You're miserable, edgy and tired. You're in the perfect mood for journalism.

Scotch whisky is made from barley and the morning dew on angel's nipples.

If you believe that your thoughts originate inside your brain, do you also believe that television shows are made inside your television set?

Read comics. All comics. And then cut them open to steal their power.

I want a tattoo over my heart that reads TRY HARDER YOU LAZY PARAMEDIC SHITBAG OR I WILL HAUNT YOUR BEDROOM FOREVER

That means that the universe is two-dimensional. Matter, energy, time, you, me and the floor are holograms.

The single simplest reason why human space flight is necessary is this, stated as plainly as possible: keeping all your breeding pairs in one place is a retarded way to run a species.

Wolves ate even mighty hunters, for there was no honor or code among predators, and everyone's guts steam the same way when torn open on a cold night.

Drinking is fun! It makes me feel horrible and sexy!

What if I left my memory in the future and I have to catch up to it?

I think this is why Ellis took so many moving pictures of us. Because he knew that people come in and out of your life, and a picture fixes them in the moment they reach out to you.

Insecure or homicidal: the adjectives don't bother me one bit.

A good lawyer is a bad Christian.

It is the mark of the mind untrained to take its own processes as valid for all men, and its own judgments for absolute truth.

I fit into the quirky, character class type of actor.

We don't let the past determine the future unless we allow it too.

Beauty in the flesh will continue to rule the world.

There is but one way left to save a classic; to give up revering him and use him for our own salvation.

I think punditry serves no purpose.

I'm kind of pinching myself in the morning. Like, wait, you really did pray to have a body of work that stays diversified and interesting. And I have it!