You need the will to disarm the civilian population. If we can do it in Somalia, we can do it here.

If there is a secret to writing, I haven’t found it yet. All I know is you need to sit down, clear your mind, and hang in there.

Baseball is what we were, football is what we have become.

And the propensity of weak and empty people to follow a leader into the darkness from which there is no return is still flourishing, as ever.

My friend Phil has a theory that the Lord, having made teenagers, felt constrained to make amends and so created the golden retriever.

We have a new class in this country: the deserving rich. ... The deserving rich do nice things for each other. Comforting the unafflicted is something that comes naturally to them.

I am hoping for better times. That's how you know us hapless gardeners - by our dirty fingernails and our absurd, unquenchable optimism about next year.

Baseball has a special place in our hearts. It is the game that shows us as we would like to be.

Appliances have idiosyncracies, just like us. Unfortunately they have picked up our less attractive traits - they are proud, spiteful, and unforgiving.

[On men:] On their best days, the best of them are eight years old.

Human sacrifice is much in vogue right now. The Republican right thinks that people who get on its nerves, especially women, should be sent to the stake. . .

I wouldn't say that I am one of the greatest dancers, but I am really quite good at what I do.

A first-rate organizer is never in a hurry. He is never late. He always keeps up his sleeve a margin for the unexpected.

The #1 problem most patients face is the inability to love themselves

When one door is closed, don't you know, another is open.

I've always thought that actors wanted to be pop musicians and pop musicians wanted to be actors.

My father was a dentist. And my mother was a - do we still say "housewife"? A home engineer.

People have this idea that if you're sexual and beautiful and provocative, then there's nothing else you could possibly offer.

The message of Easter is that God's new world has been unveiled in Jesus Christ and that you're now invited to belong to it.

A process which makes one rogue cleverer than another.

You can't make a life without making mistakes. Relax and learn something