You need to take a long, hard look in the mirror and not come away thinking, "Hey, there's something wrong with this mirror."

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

Celebrity distorts democracy by giving the rich, beautiful, and famous more authority than they deserve.

It is the thirtieth of May, the thirtieth of November, a beginning or an end, we are moving into the solstice and there is so much here I still do not understand.

Quran says do not abuse others' gods, they will abuse Allah. But most people do not believe in this... they feel their way is the only right one. This is to maintain religious hegemony.

The experience of pain or loss can be a formidably motivating force.

The Holy Roman Empire was neither holy nor Roman nor an empire. Discuss.

What thou intendest to do, speak not of before thou doest it.

The Gods being good and making all things, there is no positive evil, it only comes by absence of good; just as darkness itself does not exist, but only comes about by absence of light.

I tell my friends married life is boring, but that's just a fun thing to say to make single people feel better.

Anger, ego, jealousy are the biggest diseases,Keep yourself aloof from these three diseases.

Some people say I’m a dreamer, others say, 'If you fall asleep at work again we’re going to have to let you go'.