You never know how long your fifteen minutes of fame is going to last.

But the mechanics of learning to 'throw your voice' are pretty simple. Anyone with a tongue, an upper palate, teeth, and a normal speaking voice can learn ventriloquism.

When a bad experience happens, you just chalk it up to the great fact that you just got five more jokes in the show.

As humans we like to laugh at our fears, we like to whistle in the dark.

A comedian needs to have his own filters, needs to know his audience, how far he can push things.

I've always said that instead of watching a guy juggle seven things amazingly I would rather see a really bad juggler who's really funny.

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

Everybody has their favorite character.That's the only way I pick, whatever is going on in society, whatever I think folks will laugh at that's what I come up with.

I started in a business background, but then it was like, 'you know, I can't do math,' so I changed it to a liberal arts degree and got my Bachelor of Arts in Communications and it made sense.

I've got an answer to where Osama bin Laden is and I know, he's dead and living in my suitcase with my dummies.'

I used to pick Priuses out of the grill of my Hummer.

faith gaped at him"how the hell did you do this?" He looked at her as if she'd asked the dumbest question in history. "I'm brilliant.

He had not even the self-complacency that enables stupid people to accept their mediocrity with unction

It depends on ourselves to be to each others, either a blessing or a torment.

Among the appliances to transform the people, sound and appearances are but trivial influences.

Freedom & Duty always go hand in hand and if the free do not accept the duty of social responsibility, they will not long remain free.

Sometimes there's one person in the audience laughing hysterically, and it's so much fun. You end up playing the entire play to them.

Never think you can separate who you are from what you're doing.

My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years.

Explore your mind, discover yourself, then give the best that is in you to your age and to your world. There are heroic possibilities waiting to be discovered in every person

What made me love thee? let that persuade thee, there's something extraordinary in thee