You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning.

When archaeologists discover the missing arms of Venus de Milo, they will find she was wearing boxing gloves.

The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.

America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two weeks.

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

My only regret in the theater is that I could never sit out front and watch me.

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments.

From loss breeds new opportunity

All souls are sacred with a spirit and a body.

I remember being alone a lot as a child, and I still love to be alone.

We see more and more of our Presidents and know less and less about what they do.

To learn something, to master something, anything, is as sweet as first love.

No one would have picked me out in high school and said, 'This guy is going to be in show business.' I don't have any of the talents you would normally associate with show business.

I don't give a damn about my reputation. You're living in the past, it's a new generation.

I'll do a cappella stuff, rock 'n' roll and swing stuff.

They say it is impossible but I've overcome the odds before.

World views are social constructions and they channel the search for facts. But facts are found and knowledge progresses, however fitfully.