You ought to choose both physician and friend, not the most agreeable, but the most useful.

It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows.

Any person capable of angering you becomes your master.

Don't be concerned with other people's impressions of you. They are dazzled and deluded by appearances. Stick with your purpose. This alone will strengthen your will and give your life coherence.

There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.

When you are offended at any man's fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger.

I have to die. If it is now, well then I die now; if later, then now I will take my lunch, since the hour for lunch has arrived - and dying I will tend to later.

From this instant on, vow to stop disappointing yourself. Separate yourself from the mob. Decide to be extraordinary and do what you need to do -- now.

Keep your attention focused entirely on what is truly your own concern, and be clear that what belongs to others is their business and none of yours.

Don't explain your philosophy. Embody it.

If someone speaks badly of you, do not defend yourself against the accusations, but reply; "you obviously don't know about my other vices, otherwise you would have mentioned these as well

I wouldn't be the man I am today without the woman who agreed to marry me 20 years ago

Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat it's not as enjoyable; that's survival.

Just one great idea can change your life dramatically. Look for it. It's there somewhere!

Endless good now comes to me in endless ways.

All cities are geological and three steps cannot be taken without encountering ghosts.

I can't draw a straight line to save my life. I just can't draw.

Most of the characters I play are heavily engulfed in some sort of fantasy world.

I grew up in such a small area that there really weren't any acting classes. So I had to wait till I got to college.

I was so bad. Out of control. So glad I turned out to be a nice guy.

I am not a person who can really sit around and think about regrets because with every bad experience that you have, there is weirdly something good that comes from it.