You pretty much have to be bad at it [stand-up] for several years to get good at it, so there's no avoiding embarrassing yourself.

I think a lot of people get into stand-up to be the center of attention, which is perfectly legitimate. But I think I got in there to be heard.

You might not agree with something, but it doesn't mean you don't need to listen to it. White people have to accept that they don't always know about racism.

Comedy is like expensive cheese. Well, it's like cheese, in general. Everybody likes what they like, and everything they don't like, they think is the worst.

I'm of the opinion that if you step on stage and you're not a straight white male, you're automatically making a political statement whether you know it or not.

It doesn't do any good to just be on the side of black people. The funnier comedic position is to be on the side of oppressed people in general.

I feel like you can share as many jokes as you want to because no joke you do on Twitter is ever gonna be so big on Twitter, for the most part, that you can't say it on stage that same night.

If I could email my jokes to the crowd and get the same immediate response [as during stand-up], I'd do that.

Some things just strike me as funny. The way things play out just makes me laugh sometimes. It drives my wife crazy sometimes because I'll just be laughing for no reason.

I'm a dad, and that's really important to me, and I realize now that I'm a dad that it's a major part of my identity.

I think the need to go on stage speaks to some sort of a profound psychological deficit, but something that happened when you were a kid. Or something your parents did.

A dark horse riderless, bolts like a phantom past the winning post, his mane moonflowing, his eyeballs stars.

You get to the middle of a take that's going really well and the camera will run out of film. They have to stop you, apologize and then you've got to get things going all over again.

Ten minutes after you lose that last game, you start working on next season.

Our times demand the declaration of the world's resources as the common heritage of all people.

I quit my job and for almost two years I didn't tell anyone, not even my family or friends. And for those two years I enrolled in acting classes. I acted in some capacity every single day.

I put on your sequined ball gown and I checked the mirror there. Why, I looked like Cindy Crawford, but with much more body hair.

If the Bible is mistaken in telling us where we came from, how can we trust it to tell us where we're going ?

I'm a self-made woman. I've never compromised myself.

An anthill increases by accumulation. Medicine is consumed by distribution. That which is feared lessens by association. This is the thing to understand.

...they'd just tell you to turn the other cheek, wouldn't they?...Trouble is, Mrs. Dowdel observed, after you've turned the other cheek four times, you run out of cheeks.