You rarely hear anyone use the word pancreas in a not-horrible context.

The thing is - I'm not an idiot. I'm rather intelligent, as proven by the fact that I just used the word 'rather' in a sentence.

Michael Jackson's charity efforts? Mmm. I'm sure they have nothing to do with his molestation charges.

I was told by a physician to avoid any line of work where people need to, um, depend on me for anything.

The Smurf village was destroyed weeks ago and Bush has still not made an appearance. George Bush doesn't care about tiny blue people.

America may be entering it’s Michael Jordan on the Wizards period.

There comes a point where the disappointments in your life accrue faster than you can find external forces to blame them on.

I haven't had a drink in twelve days and I've gotta say, I'm pretty shocked at how boring people are.

I used to play bass for a while and got to the point where I was good enough to be in a shitty band.

Canada, or as i call them, America Light.

Basically, I got into stand-up because I'm too egocentric to be an actor and not disciplined enough to be a writer.

For a short burst of time, we completely belong to each other, absorbed by the needs of our physicality, glued together by the passion of our lips.

The labour Party has lost the last four elections. If they lose another, they get to keep the liberal party.

They ignore what is deep and true to a man's heart, his real passions, and simply try to shape him up through various forms of pressure.

No one can ever take my job away from me. I can always draw as long as I have a piece of paper and a pencil or paints.

I've always had the utmost respect and awe of what the lens can do and what a director can do with just a camera move.

if you cannot get what you want, common sense suggests that you should put your mind to wanting what you can get.

Carry on! Carry on! Fight the good fight and true; Believe in you mission, greet life with a cheer.

Science has, after all, made some colossal blunders in the past... Our current materialism and its rejection of the idea of a spirit or soul might be just another great falsity.

I could not extrapolate some emotion from any song after 1997 so I bought a drum machine and popped pills. The pink ones make me funny like elephants!