You're a writer. And that's something better than being a millionaire. Because it's something holy.

You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant.

The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity.

Thank your readers and the critics who praise you, and then ignore them. Write for the most intelligent, wittiest, wisest audience in the universe: Write to please yourself.

I don't mind you thinking I'm stupid, but don't talk to me like I'm stupid.

K is for "Kenghis Khan"; He was a very nice person. History has no record of him. There is a moral in that, somewhere.

In these days of widespread illiteracy, functional illiteracy... anything that keeps people stupid is a felony.

The world is turning into a cesspool of imbeciles.

You must never be afraid to go there.

They minute people fall in love they become liars.

Posing the question: does the god of love use underarm deodorant, vaginal spray and fluoride toothpaste?

Normal life is presentable. In normal life, you clean up the kitchen and keep your balcony tidy and take care of your children. It's hard work--harder than one might think.

Waiting, he thought, was the most miserable condition a man could find himself in. His whole life, he had been waiting for one thing or another.

Anything you cannot relinquish when it has outlived its usefulness possesses you, and in this materialistic age a great many of us are possessed by our possessions.

Man is a perpetually wanting animal.

As a teenager I was obsessed with music and with writing and performing songs.

When we begin to know ourselves in an open and self-supportive way, we take the first step to encourage our children to know themselves

I'm always making fun of myself and my friends.

Familiarity with danger makes a brave man braver, but less daring. Thus with seamen: he who goes the oftenest round Cape Horn goes the most circumspectly.

No writer need feel sorry for himself if he writes and enjoys it, even if he doesn't get paid.

We often hear of people breaking down from overwork, but in nine out of ten they are really suffering from worry or anxiety.