You're driving me NORMAL!

I know family comes first, but shouldn't that mean after breakfast?

I don't know if you have noticed this, but it is quite possible for two human beings to have a conversation in which one or both parties involved has absolutely no idea what they're talking about.

No big deal. We all have blood in us, the trick is keeping it inside.

Nothing in life is fair. Fair is a dirty word and I'll thank you not to use that language around me.

Life's only obligation, afterall, was to be interesting.

I often find myself in situations where it seems to me like everyone else has read the instruction book

But as I have noticed on more than one occaision, life itself is unfair, and there is no complaint department, so we might as well accept things the way they happen, clean up the mess, and move on.

And I was having too much fun to stop now.

you can’t use logic on human behavior.

Our universe is ruled by random whim, inhabited by people who laugh at logic.

We had been friends. We could not become strangers. It left only one thing: we must be enemies.

I began to feel like a kept man and it felt great.

Like so many colours, like so many flavours, like so many fragrance, English grammar should be a personal choice.

I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.

The price one pays for pursuing any profession or calling is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.

Where there is no difference, there is only indifference.

When you get older, everybody sort of changes and moves away. I think that stands the test of time, when you have a friendship from youth that's still in your life today.

Christmas is most truly Christmas when we celebrate it by giving the light of love to those who need it most.

You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.

In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.