You're miserable, edgy and tired. You're in the perfect mood for journalism.

Scotch whisky is made from barley and the morning dew on angel's nipples.

If you believe that your thoughts originate inside your brain, do you also believe that television shows are made inside your television set?

Read comics. All comics. And then cut them open to steal their power.

I want a tattoo over my heart that reads TRY HARDER YOU LAZY PARAMEDIC SHITBAG OR I WILL HAUNT YOUR BEDROOM FOREVER

That means that the universe is two-dimensional. Matter, energy, time, you, me and the floor are holograms.

The single simplest reason why human space flight is necessary is this, stated as plainly as possible: keeping all your breeding pairs in one place is a retarded way to run a species.

Wolves ate even mighty hunters, for there was no honor or code among predators, and everyone's guts steam the same way when torn open on a cold night.

Drinking is fun! It makes me feel horrible and sexy!

What if I left my memory in the future and I have to catch up to it?

Writing is basically a job for people who like punching themselves in the face, I’m pretty sure.

No valentines from the cats again.

Suffrage is the pivotal right.

When I was with Ellen, I was telling people, If you come out, it's gonna be better for you. But I honestly don't know that.

I am going to be considerate and compassionate to everyone, but my greatest compassion will be for our own struggling citizens.

Intellectuals who live in Hungary, or who wish to work or lecture there, are extremely circumspect in their criticism.

Is the noble Lord aware that, at the age of 80, there are very few pleasures left to me, but one of them is passive smoking?

"Self-taught, are you?" Julian Castle asked Newt. "Isn't everybody?" Newt inquired. "Very good answer." Castle was respectful.

ingratitude is the necessary consequence of receiving favors of which we are ashamed.

I know some really great actors who are pretty judgmental people, pretty critical people. But they're great actors. When they're acting, that's the craft.

They, who passed away long ago, still exist in us, as predisposition, as burden upon our fate, as murmuring blood, and as gesture that rises up from the depths of time.