You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls. What is wrong with you?

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

In the middle of the North Pole, anything hot gives the feeling like touching the hand of the God!

I fight with you because i care. Now, when i stop fighting with you, thats when you should really start worrying.

Fashion has to be about what is.

I am a proud participant of the Spencer Tracy School of Acting: Know your lines, don't bump into the furniture.

I grew up around the Luxembourg Gardens, so I guess that is my best memory.

Lately, I have been having nightmares, where I'm cut into so many pieces that there isn't enough of me to be put back together.

I am a huge advocate of prescription drugs given wisely and for the right reasons and the right diagnosis and also psychotherapy.

My face is so pretty, you don’t see a scar, which proves I’m the king of the ring by far.

We don't want to keep secrets anymore.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always