You say you’re sick, huh? Well, it looks like you’ve come down with a case of bullshit.

The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain't like he knows the cure for cancer and just ain't spitting it out.

If it's not bourbon or sweatpants, it's going in the garbage.... No, don't get creative. Now is not a creative time. Now is a bourbon and sweatpants time.

On Furnishing One's Home - Pick your furniture like you pick a wife; it should make you feel comfortable and look nice, but not so nice that if someone walks past it they want to steal it.

Los Angeles is like San Diego's older, uglier sister that has herpes.

I just want silence... Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more.

Writing a book is incredibly pleasurable, but very solitary. You have total control, but sometimes that can drive you insane.

Why would you throw a ball in someone's face?...Huh. That's a pretty good reason. Well, I can't do much about your teacher being pissed, but me and you are good.

No, you can't go getting mad at people because they're shitty. Life will get mad at them, don't worry.

You go ahead. I'd rather not be shot out of a tube into a pool filled with a bunch of nine-year-olds' urine.

I was an angst-y journal writing kid.

Words are life. Positive words create positive life.

Did anyone else have these moments of amazement over the existence of humanity, when they are in awe of how they are here, and alive, even if it's only for a short while?

Sometimes doing your best is not good enough. Sometimes you must do what is required.

It's a big thing back in my hometown about me being here. There are a lot of people behind me.

Hipness is not a state of mind, It's a fact of life!

With amazement and disappointment, we discovered in late October and early November that the beaten Russians seemed quite unaware that as a military force they had almost ceased to exist.

Music is the tool to express life - and all that makes a difference.

An artist does his most difficult work when he steps back from the blank canvas and thinks about what he is going to create.

I want to commend the [Federalist] Society for bringing together the best minds from right, left, and center to debate the most pressing legal issues of the day.