You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

Velcro: what a rip-off.

Black beauty - he's a dark horse.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.

Ive decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.

I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

I took part in the sun-tanning Olympics – I just got bronze.

This is a new year. A new beginning. And things will change.

Time is the raw material from which products are made, when products are sold, money is made.

If any man thinks ill of you, do not be angry with him, for you are worse than he thinks you to be.

One cannot overstate the potential for hysteria on a movie set. Everyone always acts as if making the movie is as important as eradicating malaria.

I think you learn to live with the pain of miscarrying. The open wound heals and becomes a scar. Not as raw, but always there. A part of you- your heart.

The real test of character is how you treat someone who has no possibility of doing you any good.

When people call this beast to mind, They marvel more and more At such a little tail behind, So large a trunk before.

I call myself a FFP: former fat person, and when you're an FFP, you will always see in yourself what people used to bully you for.

I'm comfortable around just about everyone.

The liberal posture really requires a willingness to give to others, and that works, as I say, when you have an expanding pie. But if you don't have an expanding pie, everyone starts hunkering down.