You should always speak your mind, and be bold, and be obnoxious, and do whatever you want and don’t let anybody tell you to stop it.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

In the times of trouble, be like the strong wall. In the times of joy, be like the smiling sun.

Daily reading is vital for own self development.

If we fast forward through the journey, like Adam Sandler in the movie, Click, we’ll look up one day and see that we missed our lives.

For a long time, Maurice rubbed his shaved head in his palm, until at last he looked up at his student. "Teo, I think you have to let Deu be the God he is, not the god you want him to be.

Ownership of words is the reason, only few of us truly keep and respect our words. If you won't keep yours, it's probably not yours.

Jeopardy, Mom! You have got to get on Jeopardy! Seriously! You could marry Alex Trebek! You could be Alex and Alex Trebek! You could be Alex SQUARED!

Endings must come naturally, you're supposed to let it happen, not just to make it happen like that.

What was the duty of the teacher if not to inspire?

Without a concise set of rules to follow we would probably all have to resort to common sense

Throw in the humor, throw in that personality, try things you wouldn't normally try.