You should not confuse your career with your life.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

Cynicism - the intellectual cripple's substitute for intelligence.

If you want to feel good, you have to go out and do some good.

Always keep a sharp lookout. "Keep your finger out"!

Verbing weirds language.

Zaphod Beeblebrox, adventurer, ex-hippie, good-timer (crook? quite possibly), manic self-publicist, terrible bad at personal relationships, often thought to be completely out to lunch.

Toni Morrison seems to have a lot of faith in people - that's what I mean by gentle power.

A true freak cannot be made. A true freak must be born.

We all present a version of ourselves whether you've got a puppet on your hand or not. To actually be very real out there in a public way, why?

The innocent are punished. That's the world we live in.

If the fans don’t wanna come out to the ballpark, no one can stop ‘em.