You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill, now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will.

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

Get over it, Roo. If you have friends who actually like you, you’re popular enough.

In his moments of pride he had said all those things, half in fun and half in earnest, and he began to wonder how he could have been so many kinds of a fool for so long without realising it.

Taking no chances means wasting your dreams..

You don't marry someone you can live with - you marry the person who you cannot live without.

Hills are terrific for running

I've got a farm in England where I breed horses.

You may be in a tough time but that setback is simply a setup for a greater comeback.

The true martial artist yields to the weak, while withstanding the strong.

The learned are said to have seeing eyes; The unlearned have only two sores on their faces.

Great conquests trouble, where contempt may please -- the one yields glory, and the other ease.