You take a normal guy, give him a wife, give them time, and you've got AN IDIOT!

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

We are beautiful because we are sons and daughters of God, not because we look a certain way.

Miracles only grow where you plant them.

Those who succumb to pain find weakness in emotion and strength in reason.

Never regret trusting someone. It proves you have a heart. But if he turns out to be a lying worm ... I'm not going to waste my time crying. Because I am way too fabulous for that.

You don’t have to want to be in arelationship for a little bow-chicka-bow-wow.

Bill [Clinton] is every bit as black as Barack. He's probably gone with more black women than Barack.

Stand-up is what I am; stand-up is what made me.

If I am not working, I won't wear makeup and I will wear flats.

Let the bird sing without deciphering the song.

If you want to play, you gotta pay.